Memphis

So I went to Memphis for my friend Connolly's bachelor party. I can't squeeze it all in here, but I'll get the highlights.

Thursday night I picked up my buddy Barth and we headed to the Ontario airport because the tickets were cheap. We drove around looking for a liquor store that was open to get some for the plane ride. It's a sad day when all the liquor stores are closed in Ontario, CA. We figured everyone had cut out early to do meth.

We went to Del Taco (Barth's favorite) for chicken tacos because barth had a coupon. The value meal came with meth.

we went to the airport, which closed, so Barth and I left, got two 24 oz. BL's, and much to our excitement, the circle K sold liquor. And meth.

We drank the beers in the airport parking lot, then slept in the car until 4 am (a total of 3 hrs). We got on the plane and took a xanax.

We met another friend, Tank Top Todd, at the airport, got a cab and our driver was "Old Man Memphis" he told us all about some bad smelling harmonica player who couldn't read. I think it was secretly about him.

Bam - Memphis. Dropped off our bags, went to Beale street, got $5 32 oz beers, watched two black guys play guitar in an alley, and ate bbq. awesome awesome bbq. we hung out there for entirely too long, met up with the rest of our 20 person crew, and went to music fest. Front row for The Cult, All American Rejects, and also saw Steve Miller Band, got a t shirt for doing 19 pull-ups, ... I think there were more bands.

back to Beale. Went to some bars. blacked out here. Me and Barth got kicked off the dance floor for some reason. but I recall the underage girl I was dancing with said i was a good dancer.

according to pictures we were the sole people on Beale during torrential downpours. everyone hid in the bars while it rained. I like rain. we had a fake shootout, and despite my drunken state, I was told I won. Got lost, a homeless guy walked me home. slept for 3 hours and then we had Saturday.

Memphis

Had a little slice of awesome this weekend. A big slice.

Let me start with my "to do" list from last week.

1) pitch Fox (x)
2) Hike all around Runyon Canyon (x)
3) play golf with newbs an the very top of Glendale (x)
4) swim in the ocean (x)
5) go to Memphis (x)
6) pay bills
7) have a kickass improv show (x)
8) Laundry (x)

i really love my life.

The Fox pitch went well. It would've been better if they bought my show. But I'll have other shows they will buy. Was still a sweet time.

My sunshine

If you're reading this, then it's you. Actually I just read the complete lyrics for the super sweet "You are my Sunshine", and lo and behold, that song takes a pretty dark twist. It's not the super duper sweet sweet sugary sweet song you think it is. well it is for the most part - let's check out the lyrics.


I've include the chords just in case you want to play along. or maybe it's cause I', lazy. You decide. But if you decide not to learn to play this song on guitar -- well who's lazy now? you are.

You Are My Sunshine:

The other night dear as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I (D)held you in my (A)arms,
When I a(D)woke dear I was mis(a)taken
And I hung my (E)head and I (A)cried,

Chorus:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me (D)happy when skies are (A)gray,
You?ll never (D)know dear, how much I (A)love you,
Please don?t take my (E)sunshine (A)away,

I?ll always love you and make you happy,
If you will (D)only say the (A)same,
But if you (D)leave me to love an(A)other,
You will regret it (E)all some (A)day,

Repeat Chorus

You told me once dear, you really loved me,
and no one (D)else could come be(A)tween,
but now you've (D)left me and love an(A)other,
you have shattered (E)all my (A)dreams.

Okay, that's the end of the song. Pretty f'd up huh? My mom used to sing that to me when I was a kid. I don't recall her singing the whole thing. Of course that would explain a whole lot...

So anyways... If you sing this to someone you love, don't sing them the whole thing. Unless they break your little emo heart. Omg this is the first emo song. That's why emo is so dark. Someone took their sunshine away. And it all started here. Holy crap. Look what you just learned on my blog. This will be a great drunken conversation piece at some awesome party, where some cute little drunk chick is gonna be so fascinated in anything you say. This will work. Drunk chicks love pop culture theories. but that's for another blog. Good luck and let me know how it works out for you.

Rent my house

View Larger Map

this charming 2.5 bedroom 1.5 bath is awesome. And I can't afford it while I pay my own rent. This place rocks, and it was a good idea at the time. We had lots of fun there, and it's not a bad place. Yard, garage, huge kitchen, laundry, and a tiny basement. It's in a sweet neighborhood, and is perfect for rock and roll, and beer. Go check it out, then sign a lease, and pay me to live there. You'll love it. seriously.

Jerry Mason

No, not the crime solving lawyer. I'm talking Jerry Mason - the singing gypsy pioneer. He called the office today and asked to speak with Bill Lawrence. He was a sweet old guy, and I checked out his website. Here it is for all interested.

http://jerrymasonpioneergypsy.com/

For all of you who think gypsies are no more than baby stealing nomads, think again. THis guy performed on TV and plays music. That's what I gather anyway. I have to figure out how he got his web page to actually smell like the produce section.

Your day getting better

See? doesn't that help?

I want to point out that if someone arranged this photo shoot, there MUST be a video to go along with it. I mean, if you were gonna take a picture of a kitten and some ducklings, wouldn't you want to record them playing around for a little? I gurantee there was a fair amount of playing. I want to see that video...

I suppose there is a chance that the kitten ate the ducklings afterward. Cats eat birds.

Lent

So I gave up drinking for lent, but then realized I'm a comedian. So... I gave up masturbating and porn. THey kind of go hand in hand (get it?)

so we'll see how that goes. It's not so bad, I've done it before. I can still have sex. Just lettin all you single chicks know. all you chicks who read this...

Ryan's yesterday

7:30 am - moved a couch (thanks newman)
9am - work
6:15 p.m. - got out of work
6:15 p.m. - gym
7 - moved couch upstairs (very small stairwell)
7:40 - made dinner
8 - ate dinner, watched two episodes of Extras
9 - stand up comedy at lucky strike
2am - got home from stand up, finished laundry
2:30 - dishes
3 - bed
8:30 - woke up for work.

The supreme crunchwrap

So a few posts back I described how nacho cheese is cheating at food. So check this out...

Last night on my way home from improv, I stopped at T bell for my uje (pronounced Yooj, as in hipster for usual): the double beefy cheesy burrito - meat, rice, nacho cheese and yes it's as good as it sounds. Most likely better. Like a warm Mexican dream on a beach in Mexico next to the Mexican ocean in your Mexican mouth. I also grab a crunchwrap supreme for dessert. Pretty standard fare - all the uje ingredients of anything at taco B: meat, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, beans. Well, I was about to be disappointed that they didn't put enough meat on it, when it happened.

Garth (O.S.)
What happened?!

Lo and behold - I hit nacho cheese. Yes, nacho cheese on a crunchwrap supreme! Hot damn! Gobs of it! It... it was everywhere! I devoured the disc shaped mexican repast with fervor and whim, savoring every gob of delicious process cheese food, its flavor bouncing around, off each of the others, complementing... caressing... Exciting them!... as the crunchy-melty-cheesy-gooey-meaty-goodness-ness circled, churned, and descended to my yearning belly. I relished every last crumb and drop of the meal, fully knowing that this rare treat would soon be gone, the likes of which would not be seen again in many a drunk night. It made my evening. It was like discovering plutonium by accident! Like a night of unbridled and unprotected lust with a strange and beautiful woman with long hair and no gag reflex and finding out later that she's clean, not pregnant, and doesn't want a relationship... Like football season.



As I writhed in ecstasy and IBS while my entire digestive tract made love to the awesome Mexican morsel, I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever again have the absolute pleasure of discovering nacho cheese where it hadn't been before, but then, I fell asleep. So whoever screwed that order up, thank you. You are a true hero.

Dad's Got a Blog

Please check this out, and thank you for your continued support.

http://dadsgotninjas.blogspot.com/

Gettin better

last time i was on here... I forget what I wrote on here. But to give you an update, I have a job - as a PA working on Cougar Town, the new Bill Lawrence/Kevin Biegle/Courtney Cox pilot. It should be good for at least 2 months, but I'm hoping it lasts forever. If not, Dad's Got Ninjas would be my dream. We should get our confirmation soon. Cartoon Network needs to buy it and give us a deal for 24 episodes. That sounds right. I mean, why wouldn't they? THe merchandising alone would raise astronomical moolah. The last time somebody created a show about ninjas it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So I've heard of that. I think this is gonna be the same. It has the potential. And our world is huge, awesome, and funny. I've been feeling better. Probably from the having a job thing. At work, we get about 8 calls per day asking if we're hiring. It's a little daunting. Dad's Got Ninjas can't come soon enough. Keep writing.

cheating at food

Nacho Cheese: You can put this on anything you want, and it just makes it awesome. All that gooey yum. It also works for dipping, but it's most effective when you smother the subject food in it.

Deep frying: Also makes everything better. The other night I had a Chimichanga, which is a deep fried burrito. On it's own the burrito would have been amazing. Now to take something awesome and deep fry it, well, that's next to godliness. It's just really nice. It's like great sex, and then getting paid for it. ... maybe it's not. But it was really nice of them to go that extra mile and deep fry my burrito. Also works well with Snickers, Oreos, twinkies, chicken wings, tacos, burgers, snadwiches, fruits, vegetables, ice cream, fish, chicken, meatloaf, dough, candy, hot dogs, meatballs, soda, yes soda, potatoes, onion rings, cheese, pickles, you get the idea.

Deep Fried Nacho Cheese. I'm on it.

I just used a one-sided toothpick. Why? Why would they only have one end be usable? the other end is just this useless nub. wth? it's exactly half as effective as a regular toothpick. Sometimes I feel like a one-ended toothpick.

That really escalated quickly

My stand up on Wednesday was awesome. Also, this guy was in the audience:



He loves to laugh. Cool guy. You seriously couldn't even tell he could kill you.

I have a job interview tomorrow with Prosthetic Records. I'm interviewing for the director of publicity. It's a heavy metal label, boasting some awesome bands including Lamb of God, All That Remains, Gojira, and Skeletonwitch, which in fact is not meat in between two Skeletons.

Seriously, though it would be pretty sweet to get paid to go to metal shows and make the bands look cool. Like they don't already right?

And then my dad and my uncle came to visit, and we went to the supercross in Anaheim. It was awesome!!! Sold out 60,000 plus tickets. It was like a football game. And the racers delivered. The races were great. It was a pretty extreme week. My dad was pissed that LA had the same weather as Rochester when he was here. It rains sometimes. My apartment has an echo.

jobbin

I got the UTA job list today and spent the last 5 hours applying for them. I think I applied to about 15 of them. Hopefully something will bite. Wait, something already bites.

So you may be asking why it took me 5 hours to apply for 15 jobs...

well, 1) I'm ryan.
2) ryan is slow
3)i intermingled some "research" and came upon this:




yes, some genius set the entirety of Milo and Otis to Sigur Ros songs. Now, Sigur Ros has some pretty sick videos, i'm not arguing that. But seriously, a kitten and puppy Icelandic post-rock Opera?!?!?! well that just rings all sorts of bells on varios places of my being.


5) I made coffee, and a ham and egg bagel sandwich. it was on an everything bagel.


mine didn't have cheese on it. I have cheese, just wasn't feeling it this morning.
6) took a shower
7) email and facebook stuff, including uploading a video. Just a heads up, facebook sucks for uploading videos.
9) cover letters. For the most part I used a form cover letter, but in this case, I made them pretty detailed - especially for the ones I thought i had a real shot at and sounded most interesting to me. All they have to do is give me the opportunity to meet them and they're mine. mwooohahahahahaha. ?
8) my landlord came over to do an inspection. This actually saved me from going to the post office to drop off the rent check. You may ask why it's the 4th and I hadn't mailed the rent check yet. That's a whole other list.

I'm gonna go check the mail

Sandwiches

So Tomas is helping me get my ass in gear. This includes making me write at least 500 words per day. It also includes drinking a 30 pack of CL, cooking food for the superbowl party at Chuck's, and playing Mario cart on wii until 4:30 in the morning. I'm gonna go write something.

Balls.

unfocused

Today, I woke up around 8 30, but couldn't get out of bed until 9:40. that sucked. Youn ever just wake up down? My toes do this weird thing in the morning. they get figity. It's kind of annoying. Anyway, then I showered, made coffee, made breakfast (an egg, tomato, onion, spinach, garlic, ham, and placed it haphazardly on an everything bagel.) it was awesome. I ate it while I caught up on email from the weekend I spent in Mammoth. I still haven't checked my facebook. That's gonna be annoying. it's gonna take a while.


After I caught up with that, I talked to my mom, and I expressed how bad I feelabout the whole house situation. And many other things... on the phone, and she had another call come in. Her ring tone was "even the losers." After she had to go, I picked up my acoustic and played "even the Losers" and several other songs. It made me feel a lot better. I played guitar for about a half hour, read some news on the internet, went to mike's and wrote for 5 hours, went to Haha Cafe for an open mic, came home, ate, watched lost, then went to see Ro for another stand up show. Now I am asleep. night.